I am becoming a mess!

This was me on Friday.....hormones were running wild. There are some good excerpts of how I was feeling that day. I was not able to finish the post bc something came up at work but I still wanted to save the post. So here it is for all to see.

I am starting to get really emotional, I think I have done really well so far with keep my emotions and hormones in check. I was down Tuesday bc of coming back to work when Tim and I both hoped to have BB home with us. I was up yesterday and then this morning I am a mess. I know the end is drawing near, but a peice of me just wants to know why this all cant happen naturally. Labor is to be spontaneous right? Hell I am the worlds biggest planner and this is one thing that I let go and planned to be surprised about it, but no dice apparently.

I have had no contractions to speak of, no mucous plug passing, and no spotting at all not even from my internals. Cramping if there is any I swear is just from the weight of my child and not that he is coming anytime soon.

I lost it this morning when I got to work. I plan to just put in my time....prob leave around 2 and then if I have to come in on Monday just coming in to clean up my desk, pick up my laptop and go home to take a nap and watch a movie or something. I had a little crying spell for about 10 minutes which I have not done this whole PG but it just all came crashing in on me.

I honestly think that some of my family is getting to me as well. I am not super close with my father or his family.....never have been and it is just uncomfortable all the way around. They are the ones hounding me and I just dont know how much more i can take. I dont even want them at the hospital until the baby is born, I am in my room dressed and resting. For all I know they would camp out in the waiting room or insist that they be there for the delivery. This all just burns my ass bc they have never been there for me before why should I do this for them now. Grudges are not pretty but I guess it comes out in the best of us. My grandmother on my fathers side called and left a message on Tues. Not to check on me but in her words "to see what was going on", then Wed night my phone rang at home around 8:50 and I knew exactly who it was even though we dont have caller ID. The caller left no message on my answering machine and proceeded to call right back and let it ring with still no message left.

Anyone who knows Tim and I you dont call our house that late unless you really need something, we were in bed not aslepp but just watching tv and winding down together. So yesterday morning I get a phone call AT WORK!!!! from the VM grandmother telling me she has been trying to get ahold of me for 4 days.....no actually it was 2 and that my dad had called as well. Well leave a message so someone will know....I did know who it was but I am avoiding their calls. So I proceed to tell her there are no changes and that we are still waiting.....but wait here is the best part "Do we have a date?" I wanted to scream!!!!!! Yes we have a date but I be damed if they will ever know about it.

40Weeks; 2 Days