New Entry....Many Ramblings and Topics

*****Long Post Warning*****

Man things have been busy, I have begun to realize keeping up 2 blogs is hard work but I still want a place to keep up with my thoughts seperate from Andrews so I may not write as often but I hope to keep this one going strong too. Plus there are tons of posts here that I like to read back over every now and again. This blog is almost 2 years old and there are lots of ramblings I dont want to lose.

Anyway, this is my last week of the ML transition period and I am so glad I did it this way since I couldnt take 12 weeks. I look back and there is no way I would have been the least bit functional at 6 weeks PP. I was really still a zombie. Today is my last day for the week in the office and I get Friday to work at home.....but that never works out like i plan. I do try and stay logged into the system and keep up with e-mail but something always gets in the way. Tim has been off on Fridays for the past month with us and it has been nice, although it is bad for his job because they are doing layoffs really soon. Things are very bad in our area for jobs and those who are unemployed. I thank god everyday that I chose healthcare, we always need doctors and I am always busy. I def have job security no doubt about it. I may complain often that I am really busy and stressed but I am thankful that I am employed and love what I do. Hopefully once the weather gets warm again it will pick up and then I will complain that he works on Saturdays.....we never have what we want do we? :)

I have begun the weightloss routine again. I have about 20lbs to lose, although I would love more like 30lbs, but I will keep it realistic for now. I have stayed the same weight since Andrew was born but I have not put the effort into it that I should so I havent been losing just maintaining. It has been a few weeks since I had my IUD so I have started up the HIIT routine where I walk and do a little running to get my heartrate going. I did this a good bit before I became pg with Andrew to help with a plateau and it worked so i am hoping it will work again. I am trying to have a small bfast....although I need to add some fruit, a good lunch (although my choices are slim here....I miss food from RH), and better with dinner. Dinner is usually my worst meal but I have been trying to do better. It doesnt help that it is colder out and hot chocolate sounds awesome first thing in the morning....but I am taking it in moderation. I have chosen Fridays as my weigh in days. So we will see what the result is tomorrow. The past 2 weeks I have done really well with walking. I walked quite a bit with Andrew last week in the neighborhood since it was still so nice out but this week I have mostly been hitting the treadmill which is nice bc I can add the running to the mix which def takes it off faster. I just need to get my stamina back up, brisk walk at 4mph and a sprint at 7mph. Right now I am walking at 3.5mph and jogging at 5mph. Baby steps but I will get there. I am even thinking of taking workout clothes to OH for the holiday to make sure i get a nice walk in while we are there.

I must be possesed....but I am starting to get that feeling again that I beat myself up if I dont get a walk in 4 days a week. It is so much harder with Andrew but he is getting where he can handle the activity mat long enough for me to walk which is good. So that helps....I hope I can keep something up where he is ocupied while I work or Tim is just going to have to hang out with him.

My all over goal is to look halfway decent for our big beach trip in Sept. We have a smaller trip planned in May for a meeting that I go to every year and I think Tim and Andrew will tag along this year to just get away since our big trip isnt planned till Sept. So no more bikinis for me, stretch marks and all their glory will not be shared with anyone other than my husband.....sad sad truth.

I am so excited about that Sept trip though...even if it is 10 months away. We planned the first ever Stary family trip with Tims parents, sister, and uncle. Andrew will celebrate his 1st birthday while there, and that will be just another memory that we love about Hilton Head. A place that is near and dear to my heart, we will actually celebrate 2 milestones there. Andrews first birthday as mentioned and our 5th engagement anniversary......Sept 9th and 10th. We were able to rent a 4bd, 4bth house on the golf course with a private pool for a week. I am so excited about I cant stand it!!! Here are a few pics from the website.

The holidays are exciting, and coming fast. We are headed to OH for Thanksgiving....another chance to make Andrew portable. Christmas we are staying put, I am excited about our first Christmas home as a family. The IL were thinking of coming down but it is not going to work out so they will prob come down the first week of January. That will be nice since January is always so blah after all the excitement and you are looking foward to spring again.

Being a mommy has been challenging these last few months to say the least. I am desperatly in love with my little boy but it has taken me a while to build that bond with him. Honestly I dont know if you can understand this until it happens to you. The day he was born was honestly one of the happiest days of my life but the most enjoyable day was the first smile he ever gave me....I could finally sigh and say "you know what I am doing this right he just showed me that!" Interaction is such a key component when they are this little and we as humans crave it....or at least I did. I wanted so much for him to smile at me or just give me some sign that he as getting what he needed after I had given so much. He still isnt all the way there yet. He smiles at me occasionally but not when I go in his room to get him or when he sees me at daycare....but that will come and I have come to terms with that and I know that when it happens I will never forget it.

There have been noticable changes in him in the past few weeks. He does smile at toys, and lights. He follows us around the room if we move from where we were standing. He coos at his toys and responds if I coo back. He smiles at me sometimes and makes eye conatct but alot of the time I think he gets overstimulated my by me and I have to back off and try again later. He is really now enjoying his playmat, and is getting really good at lifting his head. So there it is my list of things that show I am doing it right.....I dont need a smile everytime he sees me to tell me that it is all okay, I have this list of things that any doc could see he is perfect and will do it all own his timetable not mine. His 2 month checkup went great too that little guy is up to 12lbs. I was shocked.

He is getting better at night feedings, he is down by 8:30/9 and not up again till 1/2, then not again till we get ready for work in the monring so it has to be all uphill from here. He is trying to figure out how much he wants to eat now so that may have something to do with it. Once his belly gets a little bigger and he is consistently at 5 oz every feeding then things may improve. We may be close to just once a night now. Which isnt fair to Tim if that happens bc he will be getting up and I will get to sleep all night , since he always takes the first feeding. :)

Well I guess I hve rambled long enough and I hope to update soon on weight loss and how things are going in my world since I update Andews blog for him. I am still around too and need to remember to take time out and write down my feelings....this has sure been an experience; pg, birth and motherhood....I know i have many more experiences down the road and I want to keep up with it. Journaling is self healing and rewarding. I need it right now.