Im STILL trying more than 2 yrs later to lose 10lbs. WHY?! My whole 10lbs by 30 challenge is pft! Not going to happen! I cant even lose 1 let alone 10.
Im fed up, mad, frustrated, sad, blah, eh who cares, whats the big deal, etc etc etc about it all. I guess I have all those feelings and then none of them at the same time.
So I stayed off the scale from 12/23 to 1/28. I was up 0.6lb from 11/24. So basically in 8 weeks there had been little change. I ate what I wanted when I wanted during Cmas. I stayed off the scale bc I just didnt want to get into to a funk over the holidays. So I vowed to wait till the end of Jan to get it all out of my system. I felt really clean that Jan morning and hoped on. 149.
I was okay with it and energized bc I had just started back aobut 2 weeks earlier getting frisky with Jillian in the basement. I thought hey this just may be working. Ive found the groove of coming home, getting dinner going, cleaning up the kitchen, workingout, baths, play time, bedtime for AT, & relaxing with Hubby time. I felt like it was all coming together.
Ever since Ive stepped on that scale Ive been obessed. I cant stay off.....a voice tells me to just stay off its only going to piss me off and Im going to beat myself up the rest of the day. Ill listen on most days and on others I dont. This morning was one of them. 151. So thats a 2lb gain in less than 2 weeks. I feel defeated. Im sad about it. I feel like my body is never going to change.
I dont know where else I can cut. A normal person cannot go days or even weeks without some chocolate. I CANT! I WONT!!!!! I like something sweet way too much, I feel like Im punishing myself when I limit myself. I hear the voices telling me not to eat this or that. Or that I really dont want that much of something, or hey Jenn it will be there tomorrow you dont need it all right now. I won't cook for a husband and a growing son and then eat something else. Its not fun and its certainly not fair. Ive stopped bringing my lunch bc I thought it was a need to get out of my office, Im doing okay at my choices. Im getting my workouts in in the evenings. Pretty much all week. My goal is 4 to 5 days. Hell Im even working out on Fridays or Saturdays if I have time that was never the case in my strict dieting days.
What have I learned from this? Hide the scale for a while. Really. I have found my rythm for my workouts and getting them in. They fit my life right now, there is a place for them. So why change that. If life gets out of control....like it does during vacations or holidays pick it back up when our routine gets back in order. But Im done obessing over the numbers. Ive done that for too long.....and well Im just tired of it. Im even scared to weigh on my 30th bday bc I dont want to piss myself off. So IDK when Ill check back into reality with what my numbers are. I cant say for now. All I can say is that Im trying and Im having fun trying new workouts and like that it "fits" now instead of trying to find time and giving myself greif. Afterall exercise is supposed to be a life style. I wont be perfect on my eating I never have been dont be fooled, but I certainly can make sure I dont go overboard.
As for this post its been a long time coming I guess. Im just finally fed up. No more posts about weight loss and oh I cant workout tonight I have too much to do. Who cares anymore? Im doing the best I know how being a wife, mother, employee, friend, granddaughter, and all the other titles I hold. Thats good enough for now right? So Ill take my 151 and roll with it till I decide I can face the scale again. I have no idea when that will be. But I do tell myself this:
- I havent had to buy new sizes in clothes for close to a year.
- Im in almost all my work clothes prior to AT....even though the scale doesnt show that. (even though they are a little snug.....I dont look trashy in them)
- Im 7lbs away from the highest weight I can remember.
- I dont look half bad in a mom bikini
Ill take that I guess. & for the readers who read this blog during my hard core diet days.......thanks for the support and I hope you understand.
No comments:
Post a Comment