She has been around longer than my parents, husband....anyone really. Shes was number 1 for me for my first 21 years. I guess everything after that belongs to my husband.
So its only right to start with a little of her background.
Born in 1938, I "think" in Winston, although it may have been up in West Jefferson/Asheville area. I only say that bc that is where her parents are from. Well her mother at least, my Great Grandma Oates. Whew! That woman; another story for another day. See how weaved all of this is?
I do know she grew up in Winston. Her father died very young. I dont think my Great Uncle Bud (her brother) was more than 5 years old. The 2nd of 4 children. 3 Girls & 1 Boy.
Married @ 15, first baby girl came at 16. 3 more children from that marriage followed. The marriage didnt work out, and I do know that because of money those first 4 children went to live with their father for several years. I dont think those years were good years for my aunts & uncles living with their father and stepmother. Gma did the best she could, from what I understand even moving to Washington DC to look for work. My small town country girl Gma moving to DC?! When she told me about this a few years back I was speechless. The DC stint didnt last long.
Im not sure how many years later it was that she met my biological grandfather. They had my mother first in 1963......they werent married yet. So my mother carried my grandmothers first husbands last name. Im not sure if this was bc she wasnt yet officially divorced or bc it was just her name and she hadnt changed it back to her maiden name. These are details I dont know.
I do know they eventually got married. & 2 boys followed. Which made my grandfather very happy. From what I can gather my grandfather wasnt very happy his first born was a girl.....and didnt really fight to have her name changed. I wonder alot how my mother felt about that. It must have hurt. I do know that all her life their relationship wasnt what it should have been. But they were also very much alike.
Now again all of this is from what I "know", "think", "have heard", and gathered through family interactions. I am in no way speaking for any of them.
Im pretty sure my grandmother and grandfather split early. Ive heard her say many times that "she should have never went back" but she did. & I think that is where their youngest comes in. The last baby my grandmother had; Uncle C. My mother was first, then Uncle J less than 2yrs apart, then Uncle C a few years later. So now she had 7 children. 7!
Im not certain where her first 4 were during this time, Im wanting to say with their father - my grandmothers first husband. But during her marriage to my biological grandfather things werent good. She was a victim of abuse & he had a drinking problem, & in my family that has always led to violent behavior. Ive heard acounts from my Uncle J that when him and my mom would get off the bus from school the neighbor was supposed to stop them from going home. He went anyway...and saw what no child should have seen. I gathered this is what Gma meant when she said she should have never went back to my grandfather. Uncle J didnt say if mom was with him or not. But Im sure he told her. They did that you know...told eachother everything.....they were tight very tight. Thick as theives. It was those 2 against the world.
Im really not sure how old my mother was when my grandmother met her 3rd and final husband. I dont think she was more than 8. So that would have made Uncle C about 4 or 5. Young! & to add more to this brood this 3rd & final husband brought his 3 children from a previous marriage. So if you read that right.....they now had 10 between them!
Im told that at one time all 10 of them were in the same 3bdrm, 2bath house. Can you imagine? I cant! It was cramped when I lived there with just the 2 of my grandparents.
I knew my biological grandfather. But breifly. He died of lung cancer when I was 5. So that puts his death in the mid 80's. I have memories of him. All were decent memories. A few from when he was sick and I heard and saw him coughing up blood in the middle of the night. I guess we stayed there a little with him during this time. He had remarried at this time....& she was nice but a whack job. I know little of her, except for the fact that she faked cancer and tons of other illnesses for attention.
Im really not sure what terms my mother and her father were on when he passed. I know we were living in greensboro at the time, and one of my uncles called to tell her that he was close to passing. So we headed to the hospital but we didnt make it. I dont remember his funeral or anything....maybe I didnt go. I dont know. I know he is buried on the N side of Winston, besdie his mother with no headstone. There was no money. He had nothing to his name. But I guess we all come into the world that way.....thats the way he went out.
My grandmothers 3rd and final husband was a military man. & a plain hard ass. He raised you hard! & he helped in raising my mom, both my Uncles and me. Im sure we didnt like him as a teenager or young adults....but we always loved him. Im pretty sure my grandmothers oldest 4 were about grown by the time they all lived there. Not yet adults but teens - that must have been a crazy time! My Aunt B had prob left home by this time. He was good to my grandmother......he can be a little grumpy and obsessive but hes a good man. She knew/knows this. But there have been times when we all could have told him where to stick it and walked out. Im sure they all did....and maybe me too once in a while.
So as for my gma. Shes my hero. Been through so much more than I could ever have written in this post. She knows just how to hug and kiss me to make me feel more loved than I ever have. She took me in not bc she had to but bc she wanted to. There are things that she taught me I can never repay her for.....but most of all she took what was left of my childhood and made it wonderful. She tried to give me everything I ever wanted & she did. Im not saying that Im glad the way things turned out with my parents....bc Im not not but I know deep down I would have NOTHING that I did today if it wasnt for my grandmother. NOTHING! Life wasnt going right for me up until 1988. I was blessed by this little lady who I sometimes didnt show enough respect or love to. But I guess looking back she knew it was all a phase. She'd been through it bf a couple of times huh?
I know Ive mentioned other importanct charachters in this post, and Ill follow up on them soon. Aunts & Uncles.....boy did I have enough of them ;)
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